Terminator donut fuels massive weight loss

It began as a joke, inspired by the movie Terminator…

But, now, it seems a team of researchers at the University of Auckland’s Laboratory for Biomedical Interdigitation have blown the lid off of the weight loss world, creating a high-tech donut, capable of producing up to 40 pounds of weight loss over a 30-day period.

Terminator donut literally re-forms in stomach…

The genesis of the idea for the terminator donut was a late-night brainstorming session among lead investigators, Professor Robert England and two Ph.D. candidates, Emily Schoenberg and Peter Filsaime. “The night before,” Filsaime revealed, “we were sitting around watching the second Terminator movie and marveling at the borg’s ability to literally reconstitute itself after being blown apart.”

That discussion led to an exploration of ionophilic properties of certain metals and the fact that it was now possible to essentially cold-forge certain charged molecular particles into a discrete form or shape, destroy that shape then, over a period of minutes, watch the individual particles literally weld themselves back into the original shape.

During that now legendary brainstorming session, the team began to wonder about mainstream consumer-level applications and they all ended up on weight loss.

“What would happen,” asked Professor England, “if we embedded these particles into a food product that could be eaten (destroyed) with the knowledge that the particles would reform into their original shape in the stomach and sit there, keeping it full, until they naturally degraded over a period of about 30-days?”

No sooner were the words out of England’s mouth when the team set about madly concocting recipes that would yield a particle-embedded donut that tasted good-enough to eat. It took about 6 weeks (and, reportedly, 3 explosions), but they finally developed their first prototype, a Chocolate-covered Bavarian creme that looked and tasted nearly the same as the original.

But, before they could get approval to test on humans, the team needed to clear a host of safety hurdles with lab-animals.

They ran a preliminary trial on on a sample population of 342 mice.

Sonograms confirmed the Terminator Donuts reconstituted in the mice bellies within 5-minutes of consumption.

Over the next 30-days, the special donuts degraded, and, as hypothesized, the mice ate 40% fewer calories and lost nearly 25% of their average body-weight. Armed with their preliminary results, the team sought and received approval for human trials.

Because of the commercial implications, the 225 people in the first human trial were under strict confidentiality. The trial was conducted in absolute secrecy over a similar 30-day period.

England and his team were nervous.

They knew, if it worked, they not only have solved one of the biggest plagues on humankind and health, but likely have created a technology worth billions of dollars to them.

On the first day,75 participants were given Terminator Donuts, 75 were given undoctored Bavarian creme donuts from Dunkin Donuts (placebo group) and 75 were given nothing (control group). The study was conducted in a double-blind manner, meaning the researchers did not know who got what (until confirming particle reformation via sonogram).

The results blew the team away!

They were even better than the mouse trial. The Terminator Donuts reformed in the stomach, creating a nearly-immediate sensation of fullness. They degraded completely over a 30-day period and…

Yielded a stunning average weight loss of 32.4% of body-weight.

“The implications for this technology are endless,” argued England, “but, far beyond the financial opportunity, as a lifelong researcher and scientist, the chance to solve such a pervasive problem is my greatest reward.”

One last item, I have known about this study for about a month, as a consulting lifestyle educator for the team, but have been under strict embargo.

Part of that embargo agreement also awarded me the privilege of being the first person to release this information to the public, so, for at least the next 24-48 hours, or until this article is linked to, you will not find this information anywhere else online or in print.

So, what do you think? Freakish and horrific or monumental breakthrough?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, if you’d like more information on the study, you can get the full abstract plus a free sample Terminator Donut by e-mailing:

aprilfoolspart2@jonathanfields.com

Yes, this was the second installment in my two-part April Fools campaign.

BUT, there was actually something much more important going on with these last two posts.

It has to do with the psychology of persuasion, patterning and presuppositions.  And learning how it works will allow you to take your persuasive writing, blogging and, if desired, selling to an entirely new level.

Tune in to my next article, where I’ll break it all down for you.