7 A-list bloggers get caught with their pants down
by Jonathan Fields | 05/12/08
I literally passed out when the news came my way…
Since joining the blogging community, I’ve become privy to a growing feed of scandalous information about major players in the blogging arena. And, until now, I’ve kept my mouth shut, but this latest round of news is just too good to keep to myself.
So here goes…
1. Guy Kawasaki, Robert Scoble and Mike Arrington are secretly raising a love-child on a secluded island in Malaysia. Not wanting to muddy their gene pools, the trio paid to have an X chromosome that integrated the best aspects of each (Guy’s hair, Scoble’s dimples and Arrington’s height) spliced together, then cloned to create a single spawn designed to take over the world in about 15 years…when they are said to have plans to retire to that same island to live in harmony. PS – don’t tell their wives, remember, it’s a secret.
2. Tim Ferriss of The Four Hour Workweek fame is actually a mythical creature, with an animatron made of salt-water taffy, tequila, moon-dust and peach fuzz concocted to appear on his behalf in public. This explains the subdued vibe, faint aroma of sweetness and worms and phosphorous glow during interviews.
3. Trash-talking, beer swilling, mold-breaking, head-shaving, strip-blogger, Naomi Dunford, from Ittybiz is actually a man. This stunner was revealed in a recent PBS documentary that was supposed to feature her as the ultimate PC mommy-blogger. When asked to comment, Dunford’s husband Jamie responded, “hmmm, I guess my sister was right.” (I know, technically, she’s not an A-lister yet, but I was afraid she’d beat me up if I didn’t include her)
4. Xeni Jardin from Boing Boing is actually 80s rocker Billy Idol’s little sister. They made a bet when she was 6 that if he could write a song that would have college students swapping in the word “laid” and get them to chant it at keggers for 20 years, she’d have to wear his hair until she was 50. Guess who lost.
5. Copyblogger Brian Clark’s real name is Vin “The Texas Mule” Bonfiglio, legendary don of one of the most treacherous crime families in Texas. His blog is really a front for a variety of illegal activities, including the organized wearing of white after Labor Day, not watching football on Friday nights, voting Democrat and the selling and consumption of vegetarian ribs.
6. Dooce’s Heather Armstrong beat the piss out of Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb after last weeks interview on the Today Show. Horrified onlookers reportedly heard her muttering, “who’s your mommy-blogging daddy now,” while simultaneously twittering the attack. In the end her hair still looked fabulous and the crowd was decidedly on her side.
7. Ariana Huffington of Huffington Post fame admits she wishes she was Celebrity gossip blogger, Perez Hilton. “He just looks like he has so much more fun,” Huffington was overheard saying while ordering a bun-free lettuce sandwich at an In-N-Out in Venice, Ca.
[Editorial note: none of the above was true, it's called satire, that's right, satire, every once in a while, I just gotta let it out. S'all just good fun. But, if you'd love to be in future fake news posts, please don't hesitate to tell my why]
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May 12th, 2008 | 1:51 pm
“Tim Ferriss of The Four Hour Workweek fame is actually a mythical creature, with an animatron made of salt-water taffy, tequila, moon-dust and peach fuzz.” Snopes disproved this last month. He’s actually made of muffin crumbs and fairy wings.
May 12th, 2008 | 2:09 pm
@ Jenny - Dang, I’m always one step behind that crazy Snopes. But muffin crumbs, really?
May 12th, 2008 | 2:28 pm
Jonathan:
That was pretty good - pretty funny. I’ve got a long way to go to become an A-lister so I’ll just have to bide my time before I get included in this sort of thing.
BTW, been trying to reach you via Twitter, email, etc. I was at SOBCon08 and after it was over, I had the impression you were there and that I missed the oppty to meet you. But I later found out that you were sick and couldn’t make it (but your name was listed).
Anyhow, been following you on Twitter and I know you’ve been following me so hope to connect.
May 12th, 2008 | 3:03 pm
JONATHAN FIELDS only started yoga so he didn’t have to feel guilty about all those Big Macs. Overheard by a local Ronald McDonald, Jonathan said “I have this following, now, of yoga-ettes and I don’t deserve them” right before breaking down into great big sobs. After he picked his head up, he did a quick sun salutation and then twitted about it.
Speaking of twitter, I hope you’re happy - I both added you AND have been trying to figure this stuff out. Fun Fun.
May 12th, 2008 | 3:21 pm
@ Hayden - love it, but ya left out the fries! Keep playing with twitter, it’ll grow on you, but be careful about getting totally sucked in. It happens like that!
May 12th, 2008 | 3:44 pm
[...] Jonathan Fields wrote an interesting post today on 7 A-list bloggers get caught with their pants downHere’s a quick excerptXeni Jardin from Boing Boing is actually 80s rocker Billy Idol’s little sister. They made a bet when she was 6 that if he could write a song that would have college students swapping in the word “laid” and get them to chant it at … [...]
May 12th, 2008 | 3:59 pm
You’re a smart man, Jonathan Fields. A very smart man indeed.
May 12th, 2008 | 3:59 pm
Only you Jonathan…only you.
Great stuff. = )
P.S.
I got proposed to yesterday. I said yes!
May 12th, 2008 | 4:02 pm
Jonathan, I just have one piece of adivce for you, those herbal cigarettee you have after yoga are not holistic…
May 12th, 2008 | 5:04 pm
This is my first visit to your site and all I can say is…
I’ll Be Back!
(Thanks for the good giggle!)
May 12th, 2008 | 6:07 pm
Jonathan,
Love this post. F-u-n-n-n-y!
On the serious side, thanks for making me acquainted with great bloggers, A-list or not.
May 12th, 2008 | 7:45 pm
@ Naomi - yeah, that’s how I’ve gotten so far in life, hahahahaha!
@ Shama - woohoo, congrats, my friend!
@ Chad - it’s not the herbal cigarettes, my friend, though I think the mung mean bars might have been a bit too fermented, now that you mention it
@ Loraleigh - Welcome to the gang, come play soon!
@ Flora - Hey, anything to get people reading great bloggers
May 13th, 2008 | 4:30 am
[...] Go to the author’s original blog: 7 A-list bloggers get caught with their pants down [...]
May 13th, 2008 | 9:06 am
I hope you realize that these sort of “satire” posts make your blog waaay less reliable and lower your credibility a lot.
May 13th, 2008 | 9:30 am
HAHA…
Well, I just interviewed Naomi and I think she is a real sweetheart. Please check it out to read how she shares her love for marketing and her dedication to micro businesses.
May 13th, 2008 | 9:36 am
@ Akemi - I know, Naomi is great people!
May 13th, 2008 | 4:00 pm
Jonathan, that was a lot of fun!
But I am going to keep all of my dirty secrets private from now on.
Love your articles!
May 24th, 2008 | 10:04 am
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